Diary 31st March 2014

Well today was to be the last day of my therapy session. Certainly, I haven't seen the last of my homophobia days. No question of it. When I went in, the first question he asked, knowing it would be our last session, "What question have you got answered here while at the session". Me being puzzled. Then shortly afterwards, he said something uncomprehendaly, and my reply was very interesting but celrver "As Homer Simpson would say, Speak English Doc. ". So he tried explaining. Then afterwards we got into a long discussion which took the most of the session as to what to do relating to "The Invitation", which am relating to Eileen's 80th. I expressed to him, that if I were to be invited I prob wouldn't go. I then said that I have no interest in getting back wit em, as for a simple reason, that everytime I'm with Mom, Dad, Maureen and the Rels' that all I ever think of is the homophobic treatment. So I asked if there was a way, I could turn away from such if ever I was in the vicinity of the above mentioned. He simply said NO. So he then asked me if there was a special trait I had developed since I started the sessions. I simply answered yes the "thoughts". I explained that ever since the depression started, that I am clearly thinking about something on a constant basis. A deeply disrubruing one but sadly the truth is what happens if the landlord rapes me or evicts me or antoehr one I have had for a very long long time, is how would I deal with the detachment from my babes: Scarfies, Inflatables and my Stuffed Puppies. He went on to say that it could happen over night or a gradual course if I were to meet a guy. So I continued to say, that ever since the will was brought up, all I'm thinking of hence the "thoughts" is that I wanna be buried with Scarfies around me in da coffin and da puppies and da Inflatables. He found that quite disturbing, he didn't have to say anything. That was the last item, before we departed. He asked me what was the first thought that came to mind. I said that as I was walking up the driveway, "Now, just go in with the view that you're finishing up". and also "If he begs you to continue to seeing him". He went on to ask why would I be thinking such. So with a finale he said that he has to wright a report or referral back to my Referrer. So I may have to go back to my origin.