Diary 27th March 2014

Well what an interesting nightmare I had. More so a dream. But I consider it a nightmare as it rehashed up my homophobia days but in the NON-Family sense. Ill explain in due course. I'm at a restaurant with my Sis, Mom and someone else(of which I can't remember - Either Paps, or my Auntie. )Then a guy passes the table and says "Fag". Now initially I don't pay heed to it at all as the guy that I saw, I knew but not as well. He would have been in my college, but never hung around with him. But when I got closer to him, I exclaimed "YOU" as in a guy I removed him from Facebook recently. When I was doing a Higher Diploma(during my breakup), I didn't pay attention to the course. But the guy was very cold towards me throughout the course. But which has been explained since then. I was very upset when I learned who the guy was actually. I then lean towards the family members and in a tearful state, ask them "Do you know what a Fag is?" Now Crina my sis obv knows about me, so it was more directed towards me mother. So then after awhile, I am sitting down, and Crina is comforting me. Then my mother comes up and says "This is really upsetting you, ain't it?"

So then, I woke up from the dream/nightmare. Now you's know why its considered a nightmare. All my homophobia days rehashed. Its a "never ending trip" as they say. Just don't know what to do. PHysoctherapy ain't helping, me getting my anger at the Relatives ain't helping actually made things worse. So now I've no relatives. I do of course have Mom, Dad and Maureen and who could forget my Sis. SO I struggled to get outta bed for several hours. Not even TV, enticed me to get up. I simply have no motivations whatsoever in life. I've no love for helping people in computing anymore. They's just taking advantage of me, just to keep me entertained etc., So then I suddenly realised that I wanted the RTE 9'o clock news as I learned yesterday's current affairs that our Justice Ministery will be making a huge announcement over on Thursday. So bottomline, Politics got me outta bed. Cause there's huge controversy in our police force.

So when I got up, I had my phone on Flash mode to show my way round in the dark.I had dropped the phone behind the bed. as I couldn't reach it, I had to take the head board off. Now me in my undies, and trying to put the head board back, wasn't the best idea yet. But had to be done. And not only that, being horribly cold and all.