Diary 30th March 2014

Well today was quite an interesting and productive day. I got up quite alot late today. Had no interest in showering, as I'd normally would. Perhaps whatever was on my mind, didn't help. I just can't understand why I'm wanting to rekindle my friendship with Adam. Like he's straight, which I don't mind, but it bothers me that he's acting strange with me, and has been for awhile. So I headed onto Crina with all this on my mind. WE looked at Mike and Molly, The Millers and The Golden Girls. WE chatted and chatted. One thing that disturbs me thou and light bulb as I like to call it, is that I realised something hence Light Bulb; that my relatives Ailish, and Co WERE actually responsible for my homophobia. And how I know this is quite simple. My Aunty(ahem my former now) Eileen is having her 80th Birthday on da 12th of next month. Now if my mom thought that I should be at the party, she would have invited us m y sis n I to the party. She hasn't even broached the subject which can only mean one thing. That the truth has been told, that they were responsible for the suicicadtion of myself. A few weeks ago, I pleaded my apology to one of them and I quite expected them to get back to me ie via Facebook as in to re add me or at the very least to unblock me(UPDATE - He's actually unblocked me). But if i'm to get my mentality back, I have to get rid of em. Which so far all going to plan. Like at the end of the day, its my sis who has to see the result of the  homophobic abuse - ie suicide attempts naley the strangulation. It is my intention to get rid of em compelytly instead of going back to to em, Like thinking about it, more it makes sense. Like when her sister(Ailish's sister) was over, Ailsih had wanted me to meet up with her. However I got the willies, so I texted both of em, but no reply. So yeah, can't be bothered with em at all. Everytime I'm up in the house namely my folks' place the memories floods me. My Mom invited me up to their place last week to call up this week. However with the memories keep flooding me, I just can't.