Diary 29th December 2015

PS This Post contains Graphic content by means of self harm and sexual assault(Beginning with R).

Today I was due to go to AIB Bank to get statements for my Disability Application likewise with Drumcondra Credit Union. However to piss my folks off I didn't bother. hahaha. I was also due to collect my Rent Allowance AND drop in my Medical Cert as per norm in Store St., however it wasn't to be.

However thou, I was suppose to fill up my Disability Application in Mom n Dad's AND to collect my Medical Cert. This I did thou. The whole evening I was up there for a few hrs, I was getting mixed signals. I just didn't understand and still don't. So my sis thou was there, and she helped me out in filling the application. I was also suppose to print off my statements, however I didn't bother. "Generally" my Internet printouts are "not accepted". While Dad was dropping my sis home, my Mom said a few harrowing things which contributed to my later on self harm. She said that my depression is caused my lack of food, which I didn't care about that, but what I DID care was that she was offering me money, when I didn't receive any payment for the IB(Injury Benefit). So she told me "to shut up" talking about it. I took it to heart. Like how else would I suppose to get cash for my bills and my Rent. I did learn one thing today thou. And that being, there is a Bank Holiday the day after Christmas Day St. Stephen's Day ie Boxing Day to my UK followers,

So then I headed on home and got ready for my sis. I popped into Tescos to get milk for my sis. Throughout the night, I was getting increasingly worse and agitated with my sleeve and ripping etc., etc., Even my self harm was getting out of hand. By this I mean, I was getting more gripping of my teeth on my arm, ie I was gripping further and further on my arm, my right arm ps. So then I just eventually broke. On St. Stephen's Day, My Dad said something that went through me so harrowing that even the four letter word affects me mentally now, beginning with R aka Rape. My friend recently was raped a few months ago. He obviously hasn't been the best of it. Dad told me what are doing George "Are you trying find another Rapist", like then he proceeded to ACTUALLY call out the name of the perpetrator. The reason this particular incident with my Pops is that I actually was R*** when I was in the Orphanage by a black guy.

So moving on then, on my way home from my sis, I could hardly breath on the bike. I was getting anxious. WHile looking at one of my programmes, I saw the last few minutes of Fair City, and I recognsied one of the new characters. He's in Ros na Rún. My golly thats the 3rd person that RTE have taken or gotten or whatever. hahahaa. Like RTE have hired TWO from TV3 News or pouched is a term I've heard now.