Diary 14th January 2016

Today finally came the day of my Psychiatric App. My main objective was to get the required help on how to deal with my recent trauma of Social Welfare or as Dr. Christina puts it as Financial Stability. But moving on thou, my trauma from Romania too. So I met my sis for moral support.

So then afterwards, I then headed on back home. eheheheh. I was looking at the news. Then I started to look for my Driver's License and my glass lens. hehehe.

So after awhile, I got ready to head onto Cineworld to see Star Wars. heheheh. It's the only movie that's out there that am interested. Like there's Oscar 2016 Nominated movies out at the moment, but I've no interest in em. hahaha. So just as I had my arm exposed as I was changing into my Star Wars tshirt, I just ate my arm as if it were my sleeve. Its my new baby now. awwwww. So then I headed on out.

I wanted to get Google Chromecast which allows to "Cast", videos, pictures etc., to a TV. hheeheh. Also DVD Recordables for to create a Windows 8.1 Installation Recoverable Media. heheeheh.

So then I headed to Pennys to looksie around, Initially, I wasn't gonna bother, but one of the mannequins attracted me to him. mmmm as he was wearing a Black Short Shorts, and Bright Red/Orange Tshirt Workout or Performance. So then I picked out few items, however I then went to check out the cash in my bag, and surprise surprise I had nothing but the "clothes on my back" as they say. I just had enough for food in the cinema. I had miscounted. So I just left the clothes back.

When I got back, I was looking for the rope cable that I usually tie my bike along with the lock, and I noticed it was missing. So I checked inside. Me thinkgs it was stolen.

Diary 29th September 2015

Twas an interesting day, so far. hahaha.

I was due to go to the Intreo Career's fair iN Dublin Castle. However after a lovely night of sleep, I was unable to get out of bed, perhaps Blankies love me too much, hahahaah.

So I headed back to sleep, however of which I regret doing so. By that I mean, that I had a dream, in which it brought in my Orphanage days and my love for my ex boyfriend into ONE dream.

DREAM

I'm in a kitchen, whereby a group of us, ie group lads are in the kitchen cooking stuff up, THere is an middle age woman there, which is the splitting voice of the Romanian nurse. she apparently homophobic has done something behind my back and talked. Cause I am there crying and more so pouring my heart out to her in saying that I love this lad. etc., This on going for a few minutes.

END OF DREAM

Then afterwards, I met up with my sis for a few minutes. She and I were consoling a friend who was going to a psychiatric appt, I went in with him. And the things that the Psych doctor. Some was interesting, some not. The Dr., had said to go for group therapy. I know my friend don't like that, etc., However one thing stood out in what the Dr. had said. In that she said "crazy" to my friend. I was deeply offended with this. I was making a point in that my friend is actually "normal". and she says to me "What is normal", I couldn't answer. I was simply trying to tell her that EVERYONE's normal in their own unique way.

Then when I came back after my sis, My TV stand broke, so with the loss of TV possibly, I decided to head to my folks. First being my Dole, then the AIB, and of course my weekly Small Changes visit. heehhe(PEADAR). Then afterwards, while trawling my TV up with me, I headed to my folks. However Dad wasn't there as I was told that he was down in Meath. So I tried looking for screws for the TV, to no avail. So then Mom and I headed on home and suggested to me to go and get a takeout with DiLucia's.

NEWS

The Government has announced Capital Plan that is to last 6 years from 2016 - 2021. A total of €42bn will spent on various sectors of the economy. €27BN is to be funded by the State and the remainder by the Commercial Semi- State Bodies Public bodies and Public Private Partnerships. 

• €10BN Transport
• €2.4BN Metro Rail Link from Dublin City to Airport then onto Swords
• It will run from Dublin City Center - Airport - Swords
• Expected to be completed 2026
• 19mins from O' Connell St - Airport
• Trains will run every 2.5 mins
• 8 Stops will be Overground ie Street Level and 6 Stops Underground
• €6BN will be invested on Roads
• €4,4BN will be upgrading existing Routes
• €1.6BN for NEW projects
• €3.8BN Education
• €3BN Health
• National Children's Hospital at St. James St Hospital
• Upgrade State run Nursing Homes ie Fair Deal Scheme
• €3BN Housing
• Garda Stations
• Fleet
• ICT Systems
• €3BN to support Jobs
• Social Housing Plan
• National Broadband Plan
• Flood Mitigation Measures
• Energy Efficiency Programs

Diary 29th September 2015

Diary 14th May 2014

Firstly I showered. Got rid of every hair  I could think of. Namely the chess, arms and legs. Mom collected me for me to help Dad Paint  the railings. We had a bit of a chat first over a cuppa tea. Dad somehow brought up my sis' past (yet again): This time relating to her being a "jailbird". When she was young, she used to get in trouble with the authorities. It was found that it was part of her Personality Disorder, namely Borderline Personality Disorder. He had said something in the line of, that she's paying a visit to all the hospitals, something like the way she used to paying a visit to all the police stations. Why can't he just move on. They ask us to move on????? I felt like saying to him, she had to find solace somewhere. ????????

We then moved on to discuss the winner of the Eurovision Song Contest 2014 which was won by a Transgender person Conchita Wurst. Once again heartiest congratulations to her and her country Austria. She did them proud. Dad had mentioned that the papers refer to her as Transvestite. It was my understanding that a transvestite is a person who dresses up as the opposite sex or something like that ie a Drag Queen.  or a King for that matter. Twas quite a debate. I shall seek advice on the term before commenting further.

My job wasn't too bad. I was first to clean and scrape, then to actually paint. While painting, few people passed by that Dad knew. I knew only one person Pauline from next door to AIlish and Noel the neighbors of the folks. I haven't seen her in years. She got defensive(which is quite a bit weird if you ask me) when I told her that you can get a job in the States namely New York, much easier than getting one here. She also mentioned that I was "lying on the job" a skit of which I didn't take too kindly by way of replying to her saying: I fail to understand. She even mentioned this to Dad by saying George don't understand "lying on the job". The reason I didn't take to kindly was my back was killing me, as I had to get up earlier than normally. Even thou I went to bed slightly earlier.
When I had first started, Dad basically in a round about way of saying, as I didn't turn up, that he had done a lot of painting without me. My reply was simple. As i didn't get a call i assumed he didn't want me. Mom had previously on the way home from the Mater from visiting my sis, said on my voicemail that Dad would ring me with the time to collect me.

So afterwards, we had a grub or bite to eat. Then, I headed back. Mom who dropped me back, wanted to get milk in Spar, so I got myself my babe Soya milk. hahaha.

So I got home, relaxed for a few hours, before heading to see Transcendence. Review here. I went to get my new found fame of Sorbet(after learning they now sell(which has been for awhile now) Dairy free Sorbet). I asked the sales person for the usual. And he asked if I have Lactose Intolerance. He stated that he has it as well. I said in a friendly that we should join forces to set up a club or something. hahaha. So then he went on to say that he himself "forced" himself to have it. Which I found peculiar. To each is their own.

Diary 30th APril 2014

I was due to get up for 3.15pm as I had a few things to do. However I failed to sleep. I was just twisting and turning. And my legs aching me. I even was using poor auld Sammy whereby I put my legs ontop him. It did help big time. But by the time I figured it out, i was too late. I was tearing up as to why can't I just hit the pillow like I used to. I started getting sleepy about 2.59 which obviously was far too late., so I extended to 4.15. eventually I got up at 4.55.

So I then went to the Post Office to get my dole and with a few of paying my TV Licence which is due today. I had arrived around 5.25 when the Office closes at half 5. When I put my foot in the door, I was greeted with such disrespect from the proprietor of the Office. She said that I continue to get payment on the last minute when theys about to close up. She asked if I was wanting to do Banking ie transferring my money into my Bank Account. I attempted to smile, its what I do when I am nervous. She mistook it for making fun of them. So tears instead came outta me eyes. The person who was serving me(mind you the same person who left me 70 short last week.)was also serious in that she never smiled. I felt like saying to her, says the person who got the cash low last week. Meanwhile the proprietor continued to barage me. She continued to say by asking me if I had a job. I said no. She continued saying oh and you "scratch" yourself. Now I was in a state of shock. I was literally frozen couldn't defend myself. So when I got out as tearful as ever, I felt like saying and if I do get the courage to say, "you can talk to my psychiatrist." She'll know what to say to you. So as I hadn't transferred my money into my Bank Acc, I popped along across the road to transfer cash for my Rent to go through as well as my weekly Increments that me sis taught me. And also my most important thing ie the TV License wasn't paid because of the disrespect. Might I remind yee all, I am a customer. I may have done wrong by appearing last minute, but you're a company we customers demand respect. Well not to worry anymore. I'll be in New York sooner than you think. I'm investigating my citizenship status starting tomorrow. Its obviously the homophobes don't want me, now the country that I was fostered into, don't want me either. :(

So onwards with a teary Stanescu to my next errand. Which was to get a pressie for my Aunrty(Nun) for her Birthday today. I got my pressie for her in Scribbles. Then to do the actual delivery that was a long 1hr long walk. Which eventually turned out to be the most enjoyable. How it turned enjoyable was when I got a notification on my cell phone from Mashable to say that Firefox had released a Version 29. Then I continued on to read why they were making a big deal of this particular version. It had been found that Firefox had been going down in Browser Market and was loosing the now infamous Browser War. It was always between IE(Internet Explorer(Microsoft)) and Firefox. However in recent  years its now between Chrome and Internet Explorer and Opera. So I continued to read eagerly and I found the exact reason why Firefox was dropping in support. I had understood it was to do with the latest technologies that Chrome was using that users were being attracted to e.g Sync(Bookmarks settings etc., across all devices etc., just sign in with your Google Account, with Firefox's version it was complex ie you had to input a code on devices to sync your data). But the real reason why the browser was failing ie going down was actually because the CEO(well now former) had publicly portrayed support towards the Gay Marriage Ban). Now I couldn't believe my eyes and still can't. I mean like Marriage Equality of a major company being on the wrong side. I first of all never knew Mozilla had a new CEO. I had understood Mitchell Baker('Scuse the spelling) was still around. Apparently I'm a bit out of date with technology as I thought so. hahahah
So Anyways I eventually arrived at Maureen(Nun) and rang the doorbell. No one was home. So I just popped into the post and headed back on my 1hr long walk.

So I decided on the way home, cause I was desperately hungry I popped into the Outhouse. Got a cuppa tea. I saw Bernard N, Declan K and Patrick. Twas lovely to see em all again considering I hadn't been to the Outhouse since the beginning of the month at the Golden Girls Night.

So after just about 3hrs walking I headed on home. It was quite a day. Filled with lots of heartache more so than laughter. But the one thing as I said above that made my day when I realsied the true extent to Firefox's demise. It was all to do with Marriage Equialtiy actually working. Imagine, just think about it. Gay Marriage is actually wanted when the CEO expressed support towards the ban of the gay marriage. and People showed support by NOT going near Firefox. Its just unreal.

Diary 3rd February 2014

Well what an interesting day it has been so far. Thats only 1500hrs like.

I stayed up or as I said I pulled an all nighter like every Monday night for fear I'll b late for the App for my sphyscopheratist. WE chatted like as normal. He was trying convince me to say that having just a yes or no is a very UNHEALTHY item. And another item he brought up was if me pops was against my sexuality that my depression wouldnt go away until I move to the States. Simply put, I stated the following to him: "If my Dad doesn't go towards me: sexuality wise; my depression won't go away for good until I move to the States. " He found this dis heartwarming. My attitude towards him was of complex and confuse method today. I was trying to say: if anyone is agaisnt my sexuailtiy why hang out wit da person. That said, I did say that my parents are like a "magnet", in that if I attempt to block em, they come banging on da door, ie they DON'T take NO for answer. I attempted to tell him this. I even gave him an example of the magnetism. Whereby I had blocked my Aunty, my parents for a few months. NEver seen them in that time frame. But still they wanted to see me. They'd bang at the door, windows, ring me several times, voicemails etc., Not giving  a damn about my mental health. It is of my illusion that they need to be educated BADLY. I mean seriously. LIke my mother told me sis that she deserved to be raped, like I don't care whether she had drugs or alcohol or whatever. EVen if she was nude(which obv wasn't da case); NO ONE DESERVES TO BE RAPED. Yet me ma had da bigotry to say me sis deserved to be raped. like WTF. Anyways I'm getting off topic, so back to the psychotherapist; just to shut him up, I had to agree. Cause hes not gonna let go, maybe next week. U never know. Thank god I have me scarfs. AWWWWWW SCARFIES. THey's my life. It is my perception that ill keep a somewhat relationship wit da folks.
But my basic fundamental idea is very simple: Anyone(Literally meaning ANYONE), who is against Marriage Equality, or gay rights or gays or any member of the LGBT or whatever AIN'T NO FRIEND of mine or whatever u wanna call. NO CONTACT WILL BE MAINTAINED. I may be a "black or white" person. But thats' just the way life is. Others can have  a "Grey" area in their decision makings. For me as I'm a simple guy like I don't even know how to have sex with a guy, like how pathetic is that. I was advised by a gud friend of mine here in Dublin, to just simply go with the flow, like WTH is that spoz to mean. All I do is just copy a guy. So if a guy grabs my ass I do likewise or kisses me or whatever, I do exactly the same thing.

So then after the appt(like I said INTERESTING), I was suppose to meet my sister(she was attending her apt), for a cuppa tea before I go to sleep. However I got a call from my Mom, to call up to them(well because of the weather, someone would collect me after my appt. All I said after the phonecall was one word. "Fuck". I really wanted a cuppa wit me sis, however that wasnt to be. As it happened, she was required to stay an extra hour. So with me scared outta me wits, I headed out to me Dad's car(PS The phonecall came in BEFORE the apt). As I have been having trouble with my bike lock, I decided to walk to my apt as i was gonna be late than normal. I walked up in the wind n da rain to both the apt and after to my Dad's car, as he had just arrived when I was walking out of the building. So he brought me up to his place. Mom explained Dad wanted a few jobs to be helped with. After a cuppa tea and toast we got down to business. We first snagged the potatoes(taking routs off the potatoes and cleaning em). WHile doing this, he was trying to get my opinion on what had happened yesterday. Namely the protest. He expressed his views, that Rory O'Neill Neill the person at the center of the whole controversy, shouldn't have named names. So armed with this information, all that was going through my head, to ask him what were his thoughts on my sexualltiy  as previosuly asked. I personally agree with Rory O' Neill's comments in that to NAME and SHAME those who have done us wrong. So with that I just couldn't wait to get outta there. So my final question to all HOMOPHOBES who done me wrong will be: If they'll b voting yes r no in the Referendum of 2015(However as its a private thing, I mightend be so lucky - but nevertheless I'll try.

So with that I came home to finish off a few things on the computer and headed to sleep til tomorrow morning.

Diary 1st February 2014

As I was about to head to bed (due to my sleep problems its varies), I was heading to bed for around 10am due to get up around 5pm or so I got a call more so a HELP plea. I'm just purely fed up with trying to fix ppl's problems. The sooner I getta outta here the better. I believe NYC is waiting for me. They just don't know it. I can feel it. Now don't get me wrong, I love helping the one person I love and adore. I don't mind helping those who SERIOUSLY need helping. My sis in this case drastically needed my help. She contacted me on FB to call up to her in the Day Hospital cause Mom was literally bullying her. Like saying stuff of all sorts. Me sis has done alot for the family and yet no acknowledgement etc., The only people who are keeping me alive are my gay friends on FB and my mates in the OUthouse. I feel at home and myself there. So I thank you +Brendan Eoin O'Farrell and +Brendan Searson for being there. I wanna thank also my mates on Facebook. Only for you I'd be long gone. My Inflatables and my sleeve unfortunately don't do it for me in terms of keeping me sane. Eg Before I met my mate O'Farrell for the film I, Frankenstein I was seriously depressed more so suicidal kinda thing. When I met up with him, I was myself. Didn't give a care in the world who was listening etc., ie I was MYSELF. For my sis to say the only way she'll get peace is "when they's 6ft under". That's how bad they've treated her. Its just unreal. Never thought I'd hear such thing. But technically its the trought. I Mean like why adopt or should I say FOster kids from ROmania if all ur gonna do abuse da hella outta of us. Jsut cause of our sexualirty or mental disorders or whatever. They are living in in da 70's and not making any effort to live in the 14s. Just a total disgrace.

ON a lighter but still related, boy can I not wait for the protest march tomorrow 2nd Feb. ILl be with my own kind or with str8 ppl who support us ie the Allies.

I headed to bed.

Diary 31st January 2014

After I went for a possible I got back into bed. I had an interesting dream. Where by I was with a group of lads. I don't get da connection but sure I'll give it a go. We were driving on a motor way  to collect my folks for a concert to Bring em to. I still don't get da connection.  Me da was in my place sitting down with me ma and he said something relating "this wouldn't be gud for my back. " then the most strangest I saw. In where I live there is only room for one set of lights.  However in the dream there were 3. One was almost falling down the other was in the wrong place.  Even weirder was the one that was in the wrong place I never even seen it.

When I got up I saw that I had 2 missed calls. Both from the day hospital me sis is currently attending.  I rang the number back. The nurse just wanted to see how things r going with me sis.  She basically just wanted to verify a few things.  She proceeded to tell me that our Aunty had told the nurse that me sis tends to pick this up wrong. That said the nurse was actually referring to the Christmas day episode.  I was shocked n appalled when da nurse told me that the Aunty told her she picked that up wrong.  How can she.  I mean like I was there when my sis past was racked up. I told da nurse u felt like I was at a movie and the dat da Aunty had no right to say such. She wasn't there. I was.

I was just on da call to me mom as I was wrighting in this blog post. I asked her to give dad my regards.  I then asked her had he started on da lights as he wanted me there to help him. She told me he was in da garage all day(where the lights r). I figured that's what he was at. He probably just hurting  but as they say the truth often hurts.

I had previously told her that words hurt and r poison n hence I'd say me paps is probably suffering.  Not sure.  If he's not then he seriously has a heart of a brick

Afterwards, when I had gotten over the shock etc., I listened to a few tunes while I was doing a bit of tidy up before I headed out to see a film.