Today was overall a neutral day. By that I mean, a negative AND a positive. My day started off when I was failing to continue sleeping at 5ish. I had awoken after another dream of ISIS. This time, I'm in a room, then the French kill one of ISIS' own and they in turn kill one for the French's.
So I woke up in horror to my new baby Christmas. I then just stayed on in bed, hoping to sleep, but just couldn't. So I then began to plan out of night. It was my intention that I go to see Krampus in Cineworld. However, I wanted company. So I started ringing around. I rang Ronan, - His excuse was he was rehearsing for a play, something like that. Then Andrea - His excuse he was going to a party or something with his Italian friends. However the welcome I got was unreal. heheeh. I was bemused. He said HEY, something like that. He has in the past thou asked for me, indicating he knows something's not up. I then continued ringing Todd. His welcome was not appreciated. haahah. I then went to ring my sis. In the meantime thou, I had got a call from my Mom, inviting me up to her place as she was worried about my place getting flooded.
So then I headed on up to Mom and Dads. On the way thou, I headed to Tesco to look for Vegan Mince Pies puddings etc., etc., However that wasn't to be. So I continued onto, Mom and Dad's. I had a nice meal and chat. Dad fixed up my bike. The brakes wasn't working. Then I headed onto my sis. She was feeling lonely like myself. heeheh. We chatted further. While chatting to her on my phone BEFORE going into Mom n Dad's I got a quick flashback of a nightmare I endured while lviign with Mom and Dads a few years ago. I was doing a AAT Course(Accounting Course) at the time, one night, I woke up when I was actually boxed in the face. And that particular night, I stayed up, and NEVER went back to sleep.
Showing posts with label nightmare. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nightmare. Show all posts
Saturday, 5 December 2015
Saturday, 14 November 2015
Diary 14th November 2015
Well what can I say, while it wasn't as bad as previous nights, it was just as bad, I was due to go and see the Zombie movie tonight and then bring Dad's bag up to him that he left shopping for me in and then onto the event at hand. However I realsied that I hadn't turned on the alarm, and as such I woke up at half 9, so I said I'd leave it. I was getting a bit nervous with this particular event at hand, don't know why thou considering there is no dress code of any form, other than you can' t go there naked like. BUt apart from that you can go in ur undies or in my case I would have gone in my Singlet.
So that said, it was regrettable that I didn't go as I had my nightmare. I've never cried in all my life as I have in the past few weeks now. My latest nightmare was whereby I was with my family: Mom, Dad and my sis in the house I grew up in. Mysteriously in the back garden, I see a tiger all covered in Oil(perhaps representing Veganism in my dream), then I see my nightmare coming through whereby my Sammy +Puppys Stanescu is wringing wet, hardly any stuffing etc., inside. I go upstairs in the toilet, and shout down to my sis, don't she want to keep HER puppys, and shockingly NO in a calm voice. I ran into my old bedroom to ensure what I saw WASN'T what I had hoped, and low and behold, my dear sweetie had fallen victim to such vandalism or whatever. So in a distress mental state, that my trousers and undies are half way down, and obviously my top is still on. Now I'm sitting against my Mom's statue in such a state. my sis and Mom are cooking dinner, my Dad in the garden, and my sis asks "what did you say you wanted: sauce or nuts", Something like that. I didn't care about my dignity enough to pull up my trousers. When my sis asks the question I break down. She comes out to me worryingly.
So with the above, one begins to wonder why are my dreams escalating. Like to my darlings +Puppys Stanescu , then my veganism etc., etc., So I began to wonder that my dreams escalated worse could it be that a loved one has died??? Like the quote from Pan :"How can you love someone you've never met"
So that said, it was regrettable that I didn't go as I had my nightmare. I've never cried in all my life as I have in the past few weeks now. My latest nightmare was whereby I was with my family: Mom, Dad and my sis in the house I grew up in. Mysteriously in the back garden, I see a tiger all covered in Oil(perhaps representing Veganism in my dream), then I see my nightmare coming through whereby my Sammy +Puppys Stanescu is wringing wet, hardly any stuffing etc., inside. I go upstairs in the toilet, and shout down to my sis, don't she want to keep HER puppys, and shockingly NO in a calm voice. I ran into my old bedroom to ensure what I saw WASN'T what I had hoped, and low and behold, my dear sweetie had fallen victim to such vandalism or whatever. So in a distress mental state, that my trousers and undies are half way down, and obviously my top is still on. Now I'm sitting against my Mom's statue in such a state. my sis and Mom are cooking dinner, my Dad in the garden, and my sis asks "what did you say you wanted: sauce or nuts", Something like that. I didn't care about my dignity enough to pull up my trousers. When my sis asks the question I break down. She comes out to me worryingly.
So with the above, one begins to wonder why are my dreams escalating. Like to my darlings +Puppys Stanescu , then my veganism etc., etc., So I began to wonder that my dreams escalated worse could it be that a loved one has died??? Like the quote from Pan :"How can you love someone you've never met"
Friday, 30 October 2015
Diary 30th October 2015
Well what a day/night it turned out to be. hehheeh.
I was due to do the following plan:
AnPost
Outhouse
Cineworld(whichever occurs first)
SweatBox event.
I was due to get up for to get money out for the event thats on tonight ie SweatBox whereby I would be able to go in my Singlet. heehhe.
However I was tired, it didn't help when I went to bed too late. hahah. So I put each place off ie Cineworld which I didn't even look up the film times ahahha.
So then I said I'd get up for 10pm to go and go to the SweatBox event which I was kinda looking forward to it. The reason I say kinda, was I wasn't sure if you had to do the wrestling bit. ahhaha. Which I highly doubt it. So then I just hit the hay and continued on sleeping. Of which I highly regret in doing so by means of a dream more so nightmare.
Now what happened was previously my sis had told me something of which I'm obviously NOT gonna get into at all whatsoever. But it played out in my dream. Like it was real. I'm with her. There's some form of an argument or whatever. She thumbs a taxi down. I then wander where is he taking her. No reply. I express emotionally where the hell you gonna take her. He becomes increasingly moved, as well as my sis. I threatened the authorities on him, as he fails to let me know where he's bringing her. So then I bang my head on a "crumply" wall which has bits and pieces sticking out of the wall. It takes me to bang my head which in reality I have been doing for several months now, to tell me where he's taking her. She obviously becomes emotional.
So then I woke up worryingly as to what happened to my sis. So I rang my sis, and literally broke down on the phone. As I was so worried that the dream was a reality. Like it the dream in question occurred, on Sion Hill Rd., which is the turn from Grace Park Rd., So then my sis invited me more so recommended that I go up to her. Of which I did. I had my cuppa tea with her.
I was due to do the following plan:
AnPost
Outhouse
Cineworld(whichever occurs first)
SweatBox event.
I was due to get up for to get money out for the event thats on tonight ie SweatBox whereby I would be able to go in my Singlet. heehhe.
However I was tired, it didn't help when I went to bed too late. hahah. So I put each place off ie Cineworld which I didn't even look up the film times ahahha.
So then I said I'd get up for 10pm to go and go to the SweatBox event which I was kinda looking forward to it. The reason I say kinda, was I wasn't sure if you had to do the wrestling bit. ahhaha. Which I highly doubt it. So then I just hit the hay and continued on sleeping. Of which I highly regret in doing so by means of a dream more so nightmare.
Now what happened was previously my sis had told me something of which I'm obviously NOT gonna get into at all whatsoever. But it played out in my dream. Like it was real. I'm with her. There's some form of an argument or whatever. She thumbs a taxi down. I then wander where is he taking her. No reply. I express emotionally where the hell you gonna take her. He becomes increasingly moved, as well as my sis. I threatened the authorities on him, as he fails to let me know where he's bringing her. So then I bang my head on a "crumply" wall which has bits and pieces sticking out of the wall. It takes me to bang my head which in reality I have been doing for several months now, to tell me where he's taking her. She obviously becomes emotional.
So then I woke up worryingly as to what happened to my sis. So I rang my sis, and literally broke down on the phone. As I was so worried that the dream was a reality. Like it the dream in question occurred, on Sion Hill Rd., which is the turn from Grace Park Rd., So then my sis invited me more so recommended that I go up to her. Of which I did. I had my cuppa tea with her.
Thursday, 25 September 2014
Diary 23rd September 2014
PS This is an NSFW Post, ie NOT Sexual but of Self Harm content.
The day started off with a horrible dream. Which is as follows: Kathleen Doherty(Mulligan), whom I saw after several years last month, was hitting my head as in a HARD patting on the head. She later apologised but NOT profusely. Martin was hitting JP(Their son). I went onto Twitter(which is quite unusual as first, it ain't my usual ranting place and 2, the characters limit), to rant out. I was heart breaking, and crying as the same time. Even crying as I was writing tweet.
When I woke up eventually around 4ish for the dole, My sheets were wet, literally. Now how this particular dream came about more than likely was that my Dad's relatives were visiting them. I was invited up as was my sis. Now Jim(Dad's relative) knows I'm gay, I ain't sure about Jane(his wife), but this triggered the above dream. But as I explained to my sis later on today, I can't understand why I would wanna care whether Jane knows my sexuality or not. I wasn't sure of her attitude towards gay ppl or whatever. By right I shouldn't care.
So then I eventually got up from such a horrid nightmare, and set about getting my dole. I then headed into the bank to lodge the cash in. Then I went to tescos, to get milk for my sis' place. I provide my own milk. She drinks dairy. Whereas I don't. I got a few grub. I FINALLY got the blades, the yoke that are disposable. I kept forgetting to buy em.
I then showered, after a long spell of not having such. I did my bits and bobs - hahaha. I was using my new blades that are disposable. I nicked meself on my hand twice. Now while it WASN'T intentional, I have to admit, that I felt so good afterwards. While it was extremely painful, I was showering the blood off, and any blood that was left(which wasn't much), I just licked it off like Dracula(booohhahaahahah). Again it was extremely painful considering a layer of skin came off in two places on one hand.
On the way to Tescos, I then had seen Hate Crime from The Guest(Review here) and realsied what is the actual difference between Hate Crime AND Discrimination. From what I gather and understand, Hate Crime is relating to psychical and verbal, whereas Discrimination is in relation to the law and more so used in a company. Correct me if I'm wrong.
So then after the showering, I headed on off to my sis. I told her of the above ie the dream etc., When I was calling it out, I had on my phone, it read as follows: "I showered the boys off". Well the laugh I got off it. hahaah. It was something else alrite. I tell ya that bit. As she says, It certainly made me laugh. Something I needed. heeheh. Then I suddenly realsied that by me skipping the visit of Jim and Jane, that sparked my depression a few years ago. I had moved in a few months ago in 2011. Then a few months(Oct 2011), I got into a deep state of depression over the homophobic abuse. And now it happened again today. What does that say. Could it be another depression coming along. Considering I did have thoughts of self harm alrite. I just had a few things on my mind. Partially financially. Because I didn't get up in time last Friday for Credit Union Gear Ireland sales event on Saturday then there was Lidls stuff I was to get on Monday(yesterday).
While cooking Pasta, I was wondering why it was taking an age to heat up let alone boil it. I just checked and actually had it at half the temperature for boiling. hahah.
The day started off with a horrible dream. Which is as follows: Kathleen Doherty(Mulligan), whom I saw after several years last month, was hitting my head as in a HARD patting on the head. She later apologised but NOT profusely. Martin was hitting JP(Their son). I went onto Twitter(which is quite unusual as first, it ain't my usual ranting place and 2, the characters limit), to rant out. I was heart breaking, and crying as the same time. Even crying as I was writing tweet.
When I woke up eventually around 4ish for the dole, My sheets were wet, literally. Now how this particular dream came about more than likely was that my Dad's relatives were visiting them. I was invited up as was my sis. Now Jim(Dad's relative) knows I'm gay, I ain't sure about Jane(his wife), but this triggered the above dream. But as I explained to my sis later on today, I can't understand why I would wanna care whether Jane knows my sexuality or not. I wasn't sure of her attitude towards gay ppl or whatever. By right I shouldn't care.
So then I eventually got up from such a horrid nightmare, and set about getting my dole. I then headed into the bank to lodge the cash in. Then I went to tescos, to get milk for my sis' place. I provide my own milk. She drinks dairy. Whereas I don't. I got a few grub. I FINALLY got the blades, the yoke that are disposable. I kept forgetting to buy em.
I then showered, after a long spell of not having such. I did my bits and bobs - hahaha. I was using my new blades that are disposable. I nicked meself on my hand twice. Now while it WASN'T intentional, I have to admit, that I felt so good afterwards. While it was extremely painful, I was showering the blood off, and any blood that was left(which wasn't much), I just licked it off like Dracula(booohhahaahahah). Again it was extremely painful considering a layer of skin came off in two places on one hand.
On the way to Tescos, I then had seen Hate Crime from The Guest(Review here) and realsied what is the actual difference between Hate Crime AND Discrimination. From what I gather and understand, Hate Crime is relating to psychical and verbal, whereas Discrimination is in relation to the law and more so used in a company. Correct me if I'm wrong.
So then after the showering, I headed on off to my sis. I told her of the above ie the dream etc., When I was calling it out, I had on my phone, it read as follows: "I showered the boys off". Well the laugh I got off it. hahaah. It was something else alrite. I tell ya that bit. As she says, It certainly made me laugh. Something I needed. heeheh. Then I suddenly realsied that by me skipping the visit of Jim and Jane, that sparked my depression a few years ago. I had moved in a few months ago in 2011. Then a few months(Oct 2011), I got into a deep state of depression over the homophobic abuse. And now it happened again today. What does that say. Could it be another depression coming along. Considering I did have thoughts of self harm alrite. I just had a few things on my mind. Partially financially. Because I didn't get up in time last Friday for Credit Union Gear Ireland sales event on Saturday then there was Lidls stuff I was to get on Monday(yesterday).
While cooking Pasta, I was wondering why it was taking an age to heat up let alone boil it. I just checked and actually had it at half the temperature for boiling. hahah.
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